A Trampled Rose
by simply emotion
Summary: [YAOI] Through the eyes of Nikki, the life of a true rockstar. Nikki is slipping away into the world of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, a depression so deep, no one can reach him. He's given up on life entirely. And only wants to be held before he dies.
1. Chapter One

A Trampled Rose.  
  
Written by: KSS  
  
Warnings: Yaoi! Slash, gay, malexmale. Don't like, don't read.   
  
I do not own Chrono Cross or the characters!  
  
This is a new insight on Nikki, the way I see him in my eyes. And the truths of being a rockstar.   
  
_ _  
  
The world nearly crashed and burned, and still no one knew. I was one of those who fought to save a future, and a reality we knew nothing of. Our journeys were hard, and our battles many. But we accomplished our destiny with flying colors. We defied impossible odds, and powers beyond imagination. We were lead by one person, the silent protagonist. And because of him alone, we all changed. Even if we didn't notice it.   
  
Now he's gone, and life is normal. We live our lives like we used to, are lips never speaking a word of those days when hell itself seemed to chase after us. The winds are peaceful, the salty breezes caressing the lands like they have a thousand times. The tides still come and the sun still sets in cerulean skies. Same old world.  
  
We've all gone our separate ways, trying to get back into what was once our lives. It was easy for most, but not for me.   
  
You might think the life of a rockstar is glorious. Something any boy would dream of. The fame, the girls, the music, the riches. They think a rockstar can have whatever he wants. That's almost true. But it's those things you never notice that you can never have. There is no happiness in this life.   
  
I sang because I felt like it. It pleased my soul when I did. Music was always like that in my family. It's in my blood, it was something I was meant to do. So I did it. I gave myself to the destiny that was calling me, and went wherever it took me. It lead me to Serge, to a journey I never expected, and the greatest heartache I ever knew.  
  
I found myself facing a meaning I never dreamed of. A reason why I was here, why I existed. And I wanted it. I defied my destiny and went for it. I was apart of something so much bigger than me for once. I was fighting for a reason that meant something. I protected the people I journeyed with, they were my friends, the people I cared fore more than anything. Even more than my music. I think I may have loved them all, each in a different way.   
  
We accomplished our goals, each one of us. We walked the same path, and found a part of ourselves along the way. We stopped the battles in both worlds, we saved so many lives. We stopped a war and the chaos spreading across the land. We purged everything of darkness, just so it would be safe to step outside of your home.   
  
But then he just left. Serge. Back to his own world. And it ended. So suddenly and abrupt. The road just dead ended right infront of me. I had no choice but to go back the way I had come.   
  
Everyone had lives to go back to. Lives they willingly wanted back.  
  
I feared my old existence. I didn't want to be a rockstar anymore.   
  
The little voice in the depths of my mind kept whispering to me though. Telling me that music was all I needed. I was meant to sing, it was my gift and my power.   
  
I didn't want power. I just wanted them back. I wanted the closeness and the caring, that same mellow love we all shared as friends.   
  
I couldn't have it though.   
  
No. . . Life as a rockstar is anything but glorious. I could laugh if I felt that I could. Them and their simple lives. People dream to be famous, but they don't know what it's really like.   
  
It's lonely, always moving from one place or another. Throwing concerts and parties just to flaunt this talent of mine. This talent. . ..   
  
It's my only comfort in the waking world. I can lose myself in the words that mean so much to me, the music I play by my own hands. Singing can make the pain go away for just a little while. Thats why they call it magic.   
  
Yet everyday I feel this gift of mine becoming less and less sacred and magical. I focus my pain into my music, and its slowly degrading it all. I sell my talent to anyone who will buy a ticket. I'm rich, and famous and I can have whatever money can buy. But money can't take away pain and loneliness. It can't buy happiness or love.   
  
Love is the one thing a rockstar can never have. It's like it's written in some code. "No rockstar shall ever find his true love. Curse him to the stage. Curse him to his own degrading music. Never allow him the happiness he desires."  
  
I think maybe that's why the term `sex, drugs and rock-n-roll' was created. Because that's what fame leads to. No one can ever truly love you for you. They only see that famous you that performs on stage. And thats all they ever can see. It'll never change.   
  
Drugs can make you feel all the things you really don't. They make you feel good and happy and so far away from reality. They mangle you and twist your body in all sorts of ways until there's nothing left but a sick and dying shell.  
  
Sex is only lust. A cheap way to feel close to another for a little while. But they don't care for you, because it's only sex.   
  
None of it is filling. It's all a lie.   
  
Because through drug filled hazes, you're still trying to cling to those dreams, only to find them slipping through your fingers and into the ocean waves. Dreams of love and emotions. Being able to look at another with so much care and trust it hurts. To see the beauty of the one you were meant to be with. To whisper those words `I love you' and mean them with all of your heart. To hear those words whispered back and knowing it's true. To simply lay in each others arms and feel whole.   
  
But it slips away so soon. And I awake to find myself back in this world I detest. All I want to do is sleep again. Sleep and never wake up again.   
  
Those little oval pills, they make you sleepy. Did you know that? The demi-humans make them. It's enough to make them sleep for a few hours. But they sell them to humans, because for a human, it's freedom. They can make a man sleep for days.   
  
I am a rockstar after all. I suppose I'm entitled to the doom of drugs. I have nothing else. Only the pathetic damnation of myself with little white pills.   
  
I take three, four, sometimes five a night. I can always feel myself become weak, my muscles tremble and my body shake. I hit the bed and my consciousness slips away into those fuzzy dreams. I'll sleep for so long until I hear Miki's voice pulling me from this illusion.   
  
She's there, beside my bed. There's no worry in her eyes, no sympathy or fear. Just the blank emotions of someone who doesn't care.   
  
She used too though. She used to care so much. She tried to help me, but I refused her. She took my pills from me, but I always got more, she slept in my room and kept an eye on me, but I always slipped away. I always got more pills, somehow. And I slept wherever I fell. When I woke, I'd find her standing over me every time.  
  
But that last time. She handcuffed herself to me for a week. She gave the key to the blue dancer girl, who hid it. And so there I was, trying to face the truth that she cared for me.   
  
Because of her, I went cold turkey. I managed to convince Miki I was over my small addiction. And as soon as she left, I started again.   
  
Somewhere down the line, she gave up on me. She stopped caring. And for that I'm relieved. Miki has been so good to me, she doesn't deserve this. I just can't stop though, not just because she wants me to. Not everything revolves around her.   
  
Today, I look at myself in the mirror and only see. . . something. Just a stranger looking back at me. I no longer see any trace of what I once was. I'm just broken. I try to hide it beneath a mask of eyeshadow and mascara. My lips traced in the faintest hint of bloody rose, my skin, pale white like I've never seen the sun.   
  
Miki says I've gone too far.   
  
I don't care. It's like this every time.  
  
She watches me before every concert. It's so hard to tell what she's thinking.   
  
I stand before her, wearing a tight black mini skirt and fishnets and collars wherever I can fit them. I ask her. "How do I look?"  
  
She turns away, hiding the sickened look on her face. I smile faintly.  
  
This is the price of being a rockstar. It kills my mind little by little, and it wastes my body even quicker. I feel numb now days. Never really feeling anything. What was once my emotions now lays thrown away in a dark corner where I cry before sleep.   
  
Being emotionless is like being dead. I want to feel so badly again. Even if it's only physical pain.   
  
The bright red marks on my wrists prove that I am no longer human. That I threw away what was left of my humanity somewhere long ago. And I no longer remember where. I can never go back and look for it. I feel that I'm too far gone.   
  
I cover the fresh cuts with leather gloves.   
  
I'm no longer the proud, tough, wannabe like I used to be. When I traveled the world playing super-hero with Serge and the others. I was so alive back then. I had found my sister Marcy. I found a meaning in my existence, and I was truly happy. But now. . . thats all dim to me. Slowly fading memories, gone like Serge is. Never coming back.  
  
I can't say that I want them back nowadays It pains me to remember, it sends me deeper into that black abyss of depression where no one could ever possibly reach me. They all left me. Every single one of them. Miki is all thats left. And I turned her away.   
  
How did this happen? I ask myself that many days. Is it love that drove me into this pathetic state? That I cut myself just to feel anything? I'm not sure.  
  
I feel unwanted, used, and reused. I'm no longer needed, I'm helpless, unloved and hated by the world. I'll never have the love that my father and mother did. A sea pirate and a mermaid, destined to hold one another in each others arms, even if it was forbidden. They loved each other.  
  
I feel like a disgrace. A failure. A dishonor to my family. My father was a respected pirate, my mother a beautiful mermaid. My sister, one of the mighty Dragoon Devas. And then there's me.   
  
A demeaned child who dresses in a woman's cloths, hiding behind black makeup. I've broken every rule. I'm sickening to look upon. My music has changed and I barely feel that magic within my voice. My songs are filled with drugs, hate, heartache and saddening things. The world just isn't ready to see through a rockstars eyes.  
  
Perhaps I even scare them. I have a few loyal fans who still come to see me. But that's it.   
  
My fortunes are less, and my dancers are threatening to leave. I've heard them talk. I've heard them whisper behind my back. So let them leave  
  
I stand on stage, looking down at this empire I've come to have. There used be so many people jamming themselves into whatever space they could find, just to see me.   
  
Tonight is less than a full crowd. I should have guessed though, I've had a resent bad reputation in Termina. But I play my music anyway. That's what my destiny is, isn't it?   
  
I put whatever emotion I can muster into my songs. . . .there it is, that spark. That tiny flicker of magic is still there. It's fading so quickly. Will it even be there the next time I play?  
  
  
  
Probably not.  
  
But I've condemned myself to this, and I can't let it go. Not until all the magic is gone.   
  
It's midnight and they're all gone, the ones who came to see me perform. And now its off to Guldove. Everyone is asleep, but I'm still awake, gazing at the abyss of stars above me. They're beautiful, but so far away, twinkling in their blanket of darkness. I wish I could fly away, and never been seen again. I'd hide there with them, alone to gaze at their beauty for myself. But thats not even possible for me. And so I'm stuck here, watching from afar.   
  
I make my way to the bow of the ship, leaning forward letting the salty ocean winds blow through my hair. The cool air feels nice against my skin. There's no sounds but waves crashing against the wooden hull, and the catch of wind through sturdy sails. It's all so peaceful, nearly calming to be here with the stars like a twinkling sanctuary above me.   
  
I hear the opening of a door. From one of the cabins. Why would anyone be up this late? Have they come to admire night's abyss like me? I turn and find something I'm not entirely prepared for. A slender physique of pale white and smooth rippling muscles, perfect against the shimmering silver moon hanging pregnant against the ink black ocean. Beautiful, unmarred and proof of his legendary blade skills. Simply amazing, dressed only in loose white pants, and a seductive smile upon plush, velvety lips. He lifts a hand to brush back those strands of lavender shaded hair, long and tugged at by the ocean breeze.   
  
I could only describe him as a work of art underneath nameless stars. A god, a prince, an enchanting, magical being with red eyes and haunting features. Karsh, the Dragoon Deva.   
  
I'm gaping, in surprise, shock, and just plain dumbstruck at the beautiful man infront of me. Never before had I seen him in this light. The annoyed smirk gone from his face, the anger gone from his actions, the blood lust gone from his desire, the axe gone from his hand. No longer did he seem arrogant and prideful of himself. But something more graceful and polished, delicate, even.   
  
But Karsh was no delicate being, he could swipe a man's head from his body with bare hands. He could kill any beast that stepped foot in his way, and look any danger in the eye with no fear. He was loved by the people, he was a hero, someone who fought to save the world.  
  
But. . . why was he here? Why hadn't I seen him before?  
  
Whatever the reason, he came my way, ascending the stairs to the bow. His hair flowing about his silvery form with each step. He flashed me a smile that made me warm inside.   
  
Emotion. . . it flooded me with feelings I've never experienced. All of it hitting me like a wave from the ocean itself. After months. . .years of being dead inside, it all came back at the sight of him.   
  
All of it triggered by Karsh.   
  
I don't want to see him. I squeeze my eyes shut, but the vision of him, basking in the presence of the moon and stars, is forever imprinted in my mind.   
  
I see him smiling at me, in my mind. I see him brushing back those silky strands of lavender hair, blowing in the wind, surrounding him. His image is taunting me. Reminding me that I can never be seen as anything other than a disgrace infront of others.   
  
A warm hand touches my cheek, filling me with that heavenly warmth. I open my eyes and find that image of perfection kneeling before me, concern in crimson eyes. "Nikki?" his voice soft, sweet, and worried.   
  
My heart broke. Shattering into a million pieces. Pain exploding in my chest, and my control suddenly gone, vanished. I collapse into strong arms, crying. I just want him to hold me, to make me warm. But I don't feel his arms embrace me. "Are you okay Nikki?"  
  
"No. . ."  
  
To be continued. 


	2. Chapter Two

A Trampled Rose.  
  
Written by: KSS  
  
Warnings: Yaoi! Slash, gay, malexmale. Don't like, don't read.   
  
I do not own Chrono Cross or the characters!  
  
This is a new insight on Nikki, the way I see him in my eyes. And the truths of being a true rockstar.   
  
Sorry it took my so long guys! I had a surge of inspiration last night and just wrote this. I honestly can't say I've beta read this, because quite frankly, I find it very hard to re-read something Ive just written sooo. . .sorry? I need a beta reader and bad.   
  
_ _  
  
Slipping through an endless dream. Water surrounds me, cold and biting at my skin like daggers. . . I'm drowning. Drowning for hours. . .and yet I never die. Thats what my dreams feel like, and it's not much better than what I face in my waking hours. I'd rather not wake at all, because. . . at least in my dreams, my pain in numbed by the icy cold water that engulfs my memories. I can forget.   
  
But again, I'm awake. Like every other day, the soft sway of the ship rouses me from my dream and casts me into the sunlight where I try and live like everyone else. Even if I don't feel like anything but a hollow shell.   
  
My eyes remain closed, I try to drown out the lull of waves crashing against the wooden hull of the ship, the sounds of the crew shuffling about, leading us towards our next destination. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to start this routine over anymore, I just want to sleep.   
  
But something's different. A warm hand rests against my cheek, strong but gentle caressing my skin with a delicate touch of calloused fingers. A soft voice whispers my name, "Nikki."   
  
That voice is so familiar. . . but why? Why does his voice hold such care and gentleness in it's tone. Why does it sound so. . . genuine? Truthful with so much more meaning than Miki's emotionless words of comfort.   
  
Why does it make my heart pound within my chest? Why do I open my eyes just for him? Just to see his face, to see those deep crimson hues staring back at me, so much concern flicking in their depths. His plush lips quirk into a relieved smile. . .smiling at me. "You passed out." he said to me.   
  
I don't remember falling unconscious, but I remember falling into his arms hugging him so tightly. But I don't remember him hugging me back.  
  
I can't manage to find the words to say. I stare at him blankly, not even able to move. His hand left my cheek to brush back a strand of hair. God his hands were so warm against my cold skin.   
  
"Nikki?" His smile faded and his touch ceased.  
  
I could only moan a "Hnn. . ." A protest that I don't think he understood.   
  
I heard the sounds of soft silk rustling, the grind of a chair being moved towards the bed.  
  
"We'll be in Guldove soon. . ."   
  
"I know." And I did. I could tell from the cool air and freshness of salty air, the calmer waves and the life. . .the birds that flew over the sea, preying on what they could find.I could tell by simply laying there, breathing, listening and feeling the world around me. One of the only skill that I inherited from my father.   
  
"Right. . . I forget you have pirate blood in your veins." Karsh mumbled, and I could help but chuckle. . . I laughed. Laughter of sarcasm, but. . . laughter nonetheless. It had been so long since I last dared to laugh. It felt strange.  
  
"I never though of it that way." I told him. "Probably should have though. . ."  
  
Karsh only nodded, threading his slender fingers through his lavender shaded hair. He was watching me. I knew he wanted to ask me again.  
  
Am I okay? I already gave him that answer.   
  
No.   
  
I was far from okay.   
  
He managed to stay away from that question however. Instead, he asked me "Why?"  
  
". . . Why?. . ." A took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. God, that question could have been referring to a million things, but I knew exactly what he was referring to. A scowl formed on my lips, I flipped over on my stomach and buried my face in the softness of my pillow. "Why. . .?" I mumbled again into the fabric. . .What could I say? Why did he even need to know? He hadn't had the decency to ever contact me after. . . after everything. I fought beside him, but after it was all over, I never saw him again. What rite did he have to know why? Or know anything about me at all? Anger flared inside of me.   
  
I lifted my head. Mascara and faded black lipstick was smudged against my white pillow, ruined. I cast my glare at Karsh. "Do I look like a pirate to you?"   
  
I took him by surprise. I hadn't answered his real question. ". . .What?"  
  
"I told you I never thought of pirate blood being in my veins. You asked why, and I told you."  
  
"Oh. . ."  
  
Yeah. . .thats right. You abandon me once, you abandon me forever Karsh. Better luck next time.   
  
"Why are you here, Karsh?" I asked. His turn now. My mind could not figure out a single reason why Karsh would be here.   
  
He looked at me strangely, noting the hostile tone in my voice.  
  
"I managed to bribe your captain for cheap passage to Guldove. There were no other ships heading that way except yours."  
  
"Why didn't you just swim there?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The reefs. They line a clear path to Guldove. You could have swam there, or better yet, walk if there was a low tide. Don't you know big ships have to take the long way around to Guldove?" How could Karsh have lived in Vipor Manor and never known that?   
  
He didn't say anything. I noticed he was avoiding my eyes. Why was he doing that? . . . Unless. . . "You didn't want to get your hair wet did you?"  
  
My answer was a mischievous grin on his lips. I was right.   
  
"You're a warrior, a Deva and yet you're afraid to get your hair wet? Thats pathetic." How could someone in such high honors as him ever be afraid to get a little sea salt in his hair? And yet it didn't shatter the image of him. I always knew he prided his hair more than anything. Even if he didn't outright show it. I could see it from far away though. They he'd flick it over his shoulder before a fight, the way he constantly ran his fingers through it when we traveled, or how he'd always face the wind just so he could 'Feel the wind in his hair.' He could never account for any ordinary knight in chunky armor and gruff features. He was anything but that. . .   
  
His arms crossed over the smooth expanse of his chest, nearly bare save for the unbutton shirt he wore. His eyes narrowed in on me. "Nikki. . . you're not much better. A pirate rockstar? Who dresses in women cloths wears make up? I don't think you're one to talk at all."  
  
I flinched. Those words went meant to hurt, but they did. Karsh was like everyone else. He only saw me as a freak. . .something he could never possibly understand, or want to. I was just. . . something in he eyes. Something that he could tease and get away with. Did he ever even see me? Didn't he know that I wasn't like this once? He didn't. "Get out."  
  
"Nikki?"  
  
"I said get out!" I cried, my fingers clenched my smudged pillow and threw it at him. "Get out!" Tears stung my eyes and pain swelled up in my chest. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. Why did I care so much?  
  
"Nikki, wait!" He tried to protest, stand, trying to touch my shoulder. He was doing the same thing Miki did. I pushed his hand away, I pushed him away, shoving my fists against his chest, driving him out of my room.   
  
"Just leave me alone Karsh!" I pushed again, out of the door way, out onto the deck where my crew watched with confused gazes. Hot tears were streaming down my face, trailing little lines of mascara with them. But I didn't care. I pushed once more. Karsh never saw the side of the ship. One final shove and he went toppling over. I saw fear in his eyes before he slipped beneath the waves.   
  
Your hair is wet Karsh. . . What does that make you now?  
  
I turned and walked away, nothing left to say. Nothing left to do.   
  
Man overboard. . .   
  
I locked my door and wept. 


	3. Chapter Three

I curled up in the farthest corner of my room and wept until I could no longer. I hardened my heart and closed myself off from those hot stinging tears and refused to feel no more. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I don't want to suffer like this. I'm not that strong.

But I have to be strong. For reasons I do not know. Maybe I'm just a coward. . . afraid to die. Afraid to find out what's really after this horrible thing we call life. Yes.. .that's it.

What had I been thinking? Why did I want him to care for me so badly? Why did I let it hurt me so badly when I saw the truth in his eyes? He's like eveyone else. . . Why does it hurt so much worse to know he's just the same?

I wanted him to be different. . .I dared to hope that maybe he really did care. That maybe he'd take care of me. . . I want to be taken care of so badly. . . I'm so tired of this loneliness I live in. Tired of this pain I've secluded myself to. I. . . I wanted him to fix me. . make me all better. Just like that. And that I'd be happy again. Everything would just go back to the way it was before. . .

But everything I secretly hoped for, wasnt true. I let myself down to some faint hope that someone could muster a little compassion for me. But I guess I'm just not worth it. I'm only a messed up person who wears womens clothes and mask myself in layers of ivory and eyeshadow. Who could ever simply fix the shipwreck that is me?

Who would want to?

No one.

I know this is true, as I stare at the old wooden floors of my room, the gentle sway of ocean waves rocking me back and forth. . back and forth. I feel so sick and miserable. I just want to sleep. . . sleep for a long. . .long time. To forget this ever happened. Get away from it all. Not even the ocean can calm me any longer.

A pouding comes at my door. For a moment I thought it may have been Karsh. . .coming for revenge. The wrath of a warrior. But its not his voice that I hear. It's Miki's. "Nikki! Nikki open up right now!" She cried, banging her little fists on my door. "Nikki what is wrong with you? Open up!"

I do not listen to her. I curl up into a tight little ball in my corner and wait it out.

She's angry with me again. . . I can never make her happy. No matter how many fake smiles I give her. No matter how much I tell her I'm fine. I just want her to leave me alone. Let me be. . . let me waste myself into no return. She's only doing this to make herself feel better. She doesnt want bear the guilt of doing nothing. . . though I know she truly doesnt care what happens to me. So long as she gets to moment in the spotlight. That's all that really matters.

Just let me be. . .

Go find some other spotlight to whore yourself to. It will be so much easier if you do. . .

Just let me be. . .

I'm so. . .so tired, curled up into my own arms, waiting for her to just go away. But she doesnt stop. She keeps calling to me. Demanding me to open my door. Like she actually thinks I will.

I guess I'm not the only one who hopes in the hopeless.

I get up, and move across the room. Not to the door but to my bed and lift the corner of the mattress to reveal all those little white pills I've stashed there over the months. Miki thought she could get rid of my supply. . . No. It wouldnt be that easy. I take four into my hand. . .

Yes. . . That should be more than enough.

It was that moment something clashed into my door and it flung open carelessly. And Miki came rushing in, only to stop suddenly when she saw what I held. Karsh, dripping wet with sea water, was close behind her, not looking too happy himself.

I hand went to her rosey lips, in some attept to look shocked and horrified when she realized what I was about to do.

Thats right Miki. You're not perfect like you think you are. You're about to be free of me. . .

"Nikki put those down right now." She whimpered that pathetic, squeeky way of hers. As if she were on the brink of real tears. "Please, Nikki. . .Put them down" She begged. Karsh said nothing.

I'd had enough. I gave her one last fake smile and swallowed the pills.

"Nikki!" she screamed. And the last thing I saw was a blur of purple moving toward me, and a sharp pain as his fist connected with my cheek.

Way to go Karsh. . . You got your revenge.

I don't want to wake up. . .

Just let me be.

Darkness.. .that's all there was. Just cold. . . lonely darkness, all around me.

No light anywhere.

Noteven in my mind.

I could barely think. .. barely register that my eyes were open. That my body felt weightless in this strang place.

This place wasnt real. . . that was the only hazed thought that come through my mind.

I was dead.

Yes. . . For once I felt nothing.

Dead. . .

But I could not smile at this. All I knew was that I was alone and did not like it. . .

For the first time was truly alone. . . . and I hated it.

I only wanted to see his face once more. . . The face of the man I wanted to care for me. . . but never would.

That's all I rememebr of that place. . . That dark. . .cold. . .lonely place I never want to be again.

He's crying in his sleep, stirring in bed like a child squirming away from the shadows of night. Tears of black mascara streaming down his pale white cheeks. And I can only watch as he suffers from thedeep sleep he submitted himself to.

What has become of the Nikki I once knew? The Nikki who ran around with his guitar, singing and annoying everyone along the way. The Nikki who never gave a damn about what anyone thought of him. The eernest, ad kind Nikki who would do anything to help, to protect this world from evil. to save the innocent, and to get a good laugh in between all that. The fun loving Nikki who we all loved. . .

Miki wont tell me anything. She only looks away from me when I ask her questions.

I know she knows. But she does not want to tell me.

What could it be? What could be so horrible that it changed Nikki into. . . this? The exact opposit of what he once was. . .

I thought it was only a joke. . .the way he dressed. I thought it was a stage act. Something new to go along with his change of music.

I see now that it is not. Something changed Nikki. . . something so bad that it truly messed him up inside.

I fought with Nikki in our journy to save this world. we saw horrible deaths, and cruel monsters. Disturbing things that no one else could handle. But none of that ever had an effect on him. It never changed that bright spark of life in his eyes.

Something else. . . Something worse happened to him. Something that killed the life in his eyes. For when I look at him now I see nothing but a hollow shell where Nikki used to be.

I don't want to know what happened. . . I don't want to know what killed Nikki. I hope I never find out.

Let him keep his secrets.

There's a stirring at the door, and I look up to see Miki'spuffy redface.

She'd been crying the whole time. Ever since we dragged Nikki from the ship and handed him over to the Doc's care. Even when he said Nikki would be fine, she was still crying. No one could make her stop. And she would not answer me.

Now it looked as though she may have stopped, as she slowly wandered over to Nikki's side and sat down beside him, dabbing his tears with ahankerchief, staining the silk white cloth with hissmudged black makeup. I didn't say anything as she wiped his face clean of hismask, revealing his true, ocean tanned face, a hint of a nasty black bruise on his cheek where I had hit him.

I saw her wince when she saw it.

I don't know why I did it. But he angeredme so. . .so much.That I couldn't help myself.

Firsthe pushed me overboard and then. . . and then he tried to kill himself infront of us all. I wanted to be the one to kill him for his ignorance. But Miki and her friends stopped me from hitting him again., and one of the crew members managed to pull me away from his crumpled body.

I stood from afar, gazng down at him on the ground. And I realized something. . .

Nikkihadgrown so fragile and weak.He was no longer tough and hardened by battle. He was delicate like a flower. He could no longer take care of himself, I knew.

And Miki and her friends were trying their hardes to take care of him themselves. They were fightign a losing battle. Nikki obviously didn't want their help.

Perhaps today finally made Miki realize this. Because she turned to look at me, new tears farming in her deep blue eyes, and she asked me "Please.. . help him."


End file.
